Today I went to my cousins baby shower. She is 46 and just had her first baby after tying for years. She is a cute bundle of joy that will have everything in life my cousin can give her. She will be the only child and the only grandchild for my uncle and aunt. She, as well as them are blessed. I was so excited to meet little Gracen.
However my word today is uncertain- that is because I had to see the rest of my family there. I drove 3 hours and had to sit with those who live 15 min. from me but yet I never see, never talk to, never have anything to do with. So tonight as I write this I feel uneasy and ready to cry as my family is sometimes hard to deal with. I wish for the perfect family, and I want my girls to always love one another. But once sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws come into the picture it can change. If you all get along and have things in common it can be wonderful spending time together on the other hand if you do not agree on issues or how they treat your siblings it can be very hard. I feel like I can't say a word, or be myself, or laugh, I can't say anything about my life. Words, actions, and what you wear are all criticized. So I was uncomfortable and tried to think of an excuse to leave and go home early. Which is what I did. Yet here I am doubting myself because of being around my family for a few hours. Tomorrow I will regroup. I will feel better. But today was a tough one.
Oh Tammy...I am feeling for you. Know that I'm sending along my love and a big hug with this comment. I'm so sorry this was a hard thing, and I also know that it makes you appreciate your own family even more. I have a feeling that your girls will find a way to make things continue to work as the family grows.
ReplyDeleteFor now, know that I'm thinking of you.
I know what you mean. I didn't have fun with my side of the family. No one liked each other. My brother also married someone I didn't like and that made our scant relationship worse, too. You and Rex have a wonderful family. They are the ones that count. You have a cottage full of friends. Where you can be yourself is where you belong.
ReplyDeleteTammy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for trusting us with this part of you. You've established such a close-knit family with your girls. Now I have more insight into why this is so important to you. I wish you didn't doubt yourself. You are kind and warm and wonderful and perfect just the way you are.
Ruth
Hugs my friend. You are a wonderful person. I can feel your uncomfortableness but am glad you made the effort to go. You are enriched with your kids.
ReplyDelete